You Belong Here

The glow of smartphone screens has become sort of a modern campfire, where stories are shared, connections are made, and sometimes, where power dynamics play out in the most subtle yet profound ways.

This week, I had my own experience with privilege being weaponized against me in a social media setting, and it led to me reflecting on how these power dynamics show up in a digital landscape. There are far too many examples I can think of.

Here’s one scenario I see happen way frequently: A Black woman shares a detailed post about workplace discrimination, describing how she's been passed over for promotions despite consistently outperforming her colleagues. Within moments, the conversation predictably shifts. "Not all workplaces are like that," someone comments. "I've never seen racism at my job." Another person chimes in, "What about personal responsibility? Maybe it's how you're presenting yourself?"

These responses are textbook examples of derailment. Instead of listening to a lived experience, the conversation gets redirected to:

• Defensive statements that minimize the original experience

• Demands for "perfect" evidence

• Suggestions that the person experiencing discrimination is somehow at fault

Another common pattern emerges in discussions about gender pay inequality. A woman might share data about wage disparities, only to be met with responses like, "But men often work more dangerous jobs" or "Have you considered that women choose lower-paying careers?" These comments deliberately miss the point of systemic inequalities, turning a structural analysis into an individual blame game.

Indigenous communities experience similar conversational violence when discussing land rights and historical traumas. A post about the ongoing impacts of colonization might be immediately countered with, "But that was so long ago" or "Everyone has struggled. Why can't you just move on?" Such statements reveal a profound misunderstanding of generational trauma and systemic oppression.

The pattern is consistent: When marginalized communities speak about their experiences, the privileged often respond not with empathy but with a desperate need to:

• Protect their own comfort

• Deny the existence of systemic problems

• Redirect blame to the person sharing their experience

Social media platforms become battlegrounds where the lived experiences of marginalized communities are constantly questioned, minimized, and invalidated. The very spaces that promised connection become sites of repeated psychological harm.

But, as always, I have hope. I have hope that things can evolve when we realize real connection happens when we learn to listen more than we speak. When we recognize that our online presence can be a tool for understanding, not a weapon for maintaining existing power structures.

Social media doesn't have to be a battlefield. It can be a place for community and connection – but only if we're willing to step back, to listen, to recognize the ways our own privilege shapes our perception of the world.

Send Aspiring Allies My Way

This week’s events reaffirmed to me that helping aspiring allies to recognize unhelpful patterns, dismantle their biases, reduce harm, and show up in ways that align with their values is more important than ever.

Do you know someone who would benefit from the Active Allies Program? Send them my way!

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