Supporting Your Child to Be an Ally

This week has been tough. My fifth-grade daughter came home with tears streaming down her face after experiencing exclusion and "mean girl" behavior at school. I held her as she questioned her worth, her beauty, and her right to belong. The emotional toll was immense—not just for her, but for our entire family as we witnessed her pain.

I'm sharing this because I know there's another side to this story. Somewhere, there are parents whose children were doing the excluding. And if you're reading this and realizing your child might be the one leaving others out—particularly children of color—I want to talk to you, heart to heart.

Seeing What's Happening

It's hard to think our kids might be causing pain to others. The signs aren't always obvious:

Maybe your child comes home talking about the "weird" lunch another kid brings or mimicking someone's accent. Maybe they're suddenly particular about who can join their games or sit at their lunch table. Perhaps birthday party invitations have become a source of social currency in their friend group.

These behaviors might seem small or developmentally normal. But for the children on the receiving end—especially those who may already feel different due to their race or culture—these small exclusions build into something deeply painful.

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